What a difference!

October 31, 2008, I had a micro-discectomy at T7/T8 location. This surgery had to be done due to a herniated disc which was pressing on my spinal cord. Scared to death of the surgery, looking back it was the best decision I have made for myself since June 2007.

This surgery has changed my life!! Each and every day living with Fibromyalgia has been filled with severe pain all over my body. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worst pain ever, on my good days my pain levels were at an 8 and on a bad day it would jump off the track and proceed well above the 10 mark. November 1st as I began to get ready to come home from the hospital, just 24 hours since my surgery, I felt better than I had ever felt before. Each day lead to more improvement and each day led to fewer pain pills and each day became more livable.

Livable, now that's a word that I have not considered in a long time. So long ago that I had forgotten how it felt to be "pain free" or even have less pain and be able to function and do things that I had to give up. Things that I thought I would never be able to do again. Thing that others, living without Fibromyalgia, take for granted. For example, just being able to go to the grocery store and to be able to make it all the way through without being in such pain. Like being able to go outside and walk around and enjoy the sunshine. Like being able to travel and not be in such pain.

If I had known this surgery would help to take my pain and make it less, I would have done it several months ago. On the 19th of November I made my appointment with my Neurologist. The one that treats me for my Fibromyalgia. Since I began seeing him, September 2007, this was the first visit to him that I was actually smiling. This was the first visit I was able to say, I feel good...and this was the first time he didn't want to see me back in 2 months. Instead he didn't want to see me back in his office for 6 months. That means I don't have to return until May 2009. The following day I returned to my surgeons office for my follow up appointment. He didn't want to see me back unless I had problems. Can you believe it??

I know living with Fibromyalgia can be a struggle and a challenge. There were days that were filled with darkness for me. There were days that I never thought I would feel good again and certainly never thought I would have pain free days. I have been so very ill since June 2007 and now I can see hope. I can see the sun shining through those dark clouds that use to consume my day. I can see the rain falling outside and it doesn't make me sad. I can live my life once again and not have to worry about pain. I can live life and not have to keep checking my purse to make sure I have my pain pills with me at all times.

Life is good once again! Don't give up!! Don't stop fighting for yourself!! If you struggle finding a doctor that is compassionate and understands Fibromyalgia, don't give up, keep fighting. Keep fighting for what you have the right to fight for. After all, WE ARE ALL WORTH IT!!!

Very Painful Day

Today the pain is severe. I struggle to even walk. Pain in my hips, my knees, my neck and shoulders. My entire body aching with flu like pain. When does it all end? Why has this happened to me? I push myself to even type today. It's a cold and rainy day here in Texas. The wind has a chill about it. The day is just gloomy and grey.

Days like this is really hard to keep my mind off my pain. Like I have posted here before, most people would just tell me to get up and get moving and you won't think about the pain. If I only wished it was that easy. Believe me, I would do it in a heartbeat to get rid of this pain. It's a pain like I have never had before. I refer to my aching pain as flu like. That's because it's the only way I can describe it. Think back to the worse flu you ever had. Do you remember the aches and pains that your body had during that time? That's just how I feel on days like today. Other days the pain is still there, it's just the pain isn't as severe as days like this. It's so hard to get warm. My body has changed in so many ways, I really don't even know where to begin to explain the changes.

I am thankful and feel blessed for the other things in my life that doesn't involve the pain. Like my husband. Without my husband, I don't know where I would be. He supports me through my pain and does things for me without being asked. He accepts my bad days, but looks forward to my good ones as well. I have two wonderful kids who have their own families now. They understand some of what I go through, but they don't really see me at my worst. My support also comes from the online fibro support group I found on line about a year ago when I was diagnosed. The people there have been so supportive and encouraging when I am down. They lift me up when I am sad, they laugh when I laugh and cry when I cry. I am so very blessed for everyone who at least tries to understand this beast called Fibromyalgia.

I know one day I will be back in the work force pulling my own weight. Actually, I look forward to those days more than people really know. I will soon have another grand baby come late March. I am so excited about the new arrival. Katie Bug is growing so big and is now walking. She has been a true inspiration to me during this past year. Although I am not able to get her unless Jeff is here with me, I cherish those moments each time she is with us.

I hope each of you have a pain free day. Enjoy the days you have, the health you are blessed with, the friends that you cherish. We are not promised a tomorrow so make memories today that will carry on through a lifetime. God Bless Each of You!!!

Cold Front Came Through

I have struggled so much the past couple of days with this beast called Fibromyalgia. The pain has been from my neck down to my knees and everywhere in between. My shoulders burn with pain, my neck so stiff it's hard to turn. My hips can't seem to move and my knees hurt as if something is keeping them from bending.

The struggles have been hard. It's brought on by the change in the weather, good or bad. This time, it was a cold front that came through East Texas. The day before and the day after are always so very hard. The barometer change, changes my life maybe only briefly, but it's a change. It was so very hard to get out of bed yesterday due to my pain. Today, only a small bit of relief is what I am feeling.

I hate what this disease has done to me, my body, my soul and my mind. My body, at times, feels as if I am 90 years old. My soul, broken at times due to the pain and the inability of not being able to do what I enjoy. My mind, because of the fibro fog that I often have. The inability to remember things. The inability to recongize at times what I am doing or where I am. The inability to be in large groups of people. The thought of having a panic or anxiety attack.

It's hard not only on me, but on my family. I know they don't fully understand this disease, I know they never really will. No one knows the pain and suffering everyone with fibormyalgia goes through unless they experience it first hand. I see the look in their eyes at times saying, "just get out of the house" "get up and do something" I see that look, I know that look too well. But, until they have walked in my shoes, felt the pain that I feel, have the fear that I feel, they will never truly understand what I live with every single day of my life!

Still Learning to Cope

I still find myself learning to cope with this fibro beast. Some days harder than others but everyday is filled with some type of pain. Maybe in the same place may the pain has moved. But, the pain is still there, it still lingers and it won't let me go!

I've learned that each day is a challenge, but each day is a new beginning for me. I have re-learned how to do things, like work in the yard, cleaning the house. Things that "normal" people take for granted. Not that "normal" people don't appreciate the things they can do, it's just that when someone has an illness, it's always a challenge to do even the smallest of things. So, I learn, I listen and I watch.

My biggest challenge is learning how to play with my precious grand daughter, Katie. She is my inspiration, my sunshine my life. She has brought me so much joy in the short time she has been on this Earth. I know she came as a gift from God. She came at a time when I was newly diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and still grieving for my best friend of 30 plus years who died last year. I know she was sent by God to help me cope, to help me understand life again, to help me appreciate the small things in life again.

I have struggled for years with issues that many don't know about and will never know about. This year I have regained my strength, taking control back of my life and just enjoying the small things in life. I love life again and it's all because of God. I have renewed my commitment to God and let me tell you, it's a wonderful feeling! It's a feeling of understanding God's creation and having a deep appreciation of it.

October 31st I had back surgery. I arrived back home on Saturday and I already feel better than I have in a while. My husband has been wonderful and taking care of me. He makes sure I have what I need or what I want. He has cooked, cleaned and done laundry. He is just awesome!! I have also been surrounded by family and friends who love me as well. My sister's and brother have called to say hello and ask if I need anything. My best friend has called and stopped by the hospital to see if I needed anything. I am so very blessed having such wonderful people around me. I no longer feel empty inside, I have the feeling of life deep within me that I know will never ever go away. I have given God all of my troubles and worries and my load is no longer heavy. I appreciate the small things in life. The flowers are beautiful, the birds sing louder and the sun is so much brighter.

I am becoming involved with my Church more. My first event was at the Fall Festival and what a wonderful fellowship!!! I am also attending Sunday School now and I just can't say enough about it. I know this is where I should be, where I belong, where I will do God's will. I missed Sunday School and Church Services this past Sunday because of my surgery, but I will return next weekend. I feel so much more alive now, and having Fibromyalgia doesn't seem to be a problem for me to cope with any longer. It's a horrible thing to have but with God all things are possible.

When you feel you can't do something because you are in pain, you have to still try. You can't give up, you can't let it win. You have to face this beast head on and deal with whatever you are dealt. Think outside the box for a change, you just might be pleasantly surprised with the outcome. Enjoy the little things in life today, for we are not promised a tomorrow. Ask God into your life and watch the change from deep within you. God will take all of your worries, your troubles, your fears and your dreams. Don't carry the load alone, for He is there waiting for you.